I List

I List I have collected a glass full of sea water in Brighton and carefully carried it back home on the train in a tube without a lid trying not to spill it then placed it at the side of my bed until it evaporated. I have compiled a definitive list of every single Formula 1 driver who has ever raced in a world championship race. I have compiled all the song lyrics from every Beatles song in order of release on a single A2 sheet, there are over 24,000 words, I can start reading from anywhere on the sheet and recognise the song. I have a small clear plastic box where I am collecting every single nail clipping from my fingers and toels, I have been collecting for over one and a half years. I have given my very first grey hair to my mum for Christmas. I have placed every single photographic print of my girlfriend Flávia loose in an A1 box frame, this can be shaken to bring different pictures to view at the front of the pile. I have a Catalonia sticker on the front of my Vespa scooter, even though I have never been there. I have drawn over 10,000 circles by hand each on a clean A3 sheet of paper then chosen the most accurate one and framed it. I have written the word love as many times as possible on an A4 page. I have compiled a list of people from memory who have positively influenced me. I have signed 100,000 A6 postcard over the duration of two weeks as one tenth part of the production of the worlds largest signed and numbered limited edition artwork. I have a 20GB iPod that has over 2,000 songs loaded into it, I like to listen to it on shuffle. I have seen Michael Schumacher race at Silverstone in a Sauber Mercedes Sports Car when he was team mates with Heinz-Harald Frentzen. I have individually dotted every single millimetre square on an A1 sheet of millimetre graph paper using a 0.1 millimetre black Edding pen. I have a photocopied facsimile of my 2,000 page Oxford Dictionary on A4 pages. I have printed completely black A4 pages from my computer to a laser printer with a new toner cartridge until not a single spec of toner marked the page. I have, along with Martin Anderson, coloured an entire blackboard in white using the writing ends of many sticks of standard classroom chalk. I have stuck the entire contents of a sachet of black pepper onto an A4 page, placing each individual spec within a numbered square within a grid. I have shot one hundred pellets at point blank range into grid displayed on the cover of a bound book containing 100 pages. I have taken a Polaroid photograph of a photocopy machine then constantly reproduced copies as it developed, I wanted to see how many times the copy machine could copy the image before it developed. I have spent 24 hours in a pitch black room, lying on a mattress with ear plugs in my ears, without eating and without the need to visit the toilet. I have driven a Porsche 911 GT3, Ferrari 355, Ferrari Testarosa, Ferrari Daytona, TVR Griffin 500, AMG Mercedes CLK. I have balanced an A4 sketchbook on my knee and drawn my legs below the book. I have 373 CD's compiled in alphabetical order. I have 14 pairs of red and brown striped socks. I have photographed all the power points in the studio and made a microsoft Power Point presentation using these images. I have become critical of graphic design. I have every single issue of Eye magazine. I have guessed the correct number of inflated balloons inside a rally car when I was a young kid and won a large winter rally jacket. I would like to write non stop for 24 hours. I would like to know how many nightlight candles I can light before the first one burns out. I would like to copy, on a single page, ever-single artists signature from every artwork displayed in the Tate Modern. I would have liked to have seen Nirvana play live. I would like to own the complete set of Oxford Dictionaries, and Tipex out every single listed word. I would like to cut all my tee shirts in half and have them stitched back together. I would like to read every book I have bought. I would like to make my own clothing. I would like to drive an American muscle car across America listening to my iPod on shuffle. I would like to build my own house in Brazil working with the skilled workers from the Favelos using the same cheap red bricks. I would like to grow my own fruit and vegetables. I would like to swim in the ocean everyday. I would like to meet Yoko One. I would like to work with a librarian and order my entire book collection following the standard book classification system, then make it a public library that people can have access to. I would like to employ a professional proof-reader to go through all my sketch books and make proof correction. I would like to sew zips on clothing in places were a zip is not necessary. I would like to train and then swim the English Channel. I would like to make the smallest ton. I would like to see a ton of feathers. I would like to open a can of Piero Manzoni Merda. I would like to add more paint to an original Picasso. I would like to commission Sol Lewit to make a wall drawing on a ceiling. I would like to commission Tracy Emin to make a bed. I would like to commission Erwin Wurm to write the lyrics for a Red Hot Chilli Peppers song. I would like to ask Paul McCartney to sing only John Lennon's solo songs. I would like to ask the person who paints the gallery wall white to paint a canvass white then hang it on the gallery wall. I would like to write down every single English word on a roll of paper. I would like to commission Richard Prince to exhibit his joke paintings at a comedy club. I would like to own a John and Yoko 'War is over poster'. I would like to design a postage stamp with a drawing of an envelope on it. I would like to take family snapshot photographs and apply the Image Bank anti copyright watermark in the bottom left corner. I would like to stack 500 reams of A5 copy paper in a stack the same proportions as a single pack. I would like to take photographs of things in pieces and make jigsaws that have the same shape bits as in the pieces in the photograph. I like to wear clothes until the fabric wears out. I like words that sound the same that have different meanings. I like artworks that have conclusions. I would like to make a CD containing noise pollution, a jack hammer, a generator and a burglar alarm. I would like to do a 24 hour hug with Flávia in a public gallery. I like both the words, fluent and affluent. I would like to make blank badges for people to wear over the logos and brand marks on clothing. I would like to find a stone that weighs one stone. I would like to take an aspirin from Damien Hirst medical cabinet. I would like to hang paintings from the Renaissance in a gallery with the smell of fresh oil paint. I would like to attach a DV camera to a powerful hand drill and press record whilst it spins round. I would like to take photographs of curators offices and exhibit them in curators offices. I would like to take a photograph of what was behind the photograph. I would like to eat lots of garlic then blow up balloons. I would like to record the sound of a drill onto a CD without a hole in the centre. I would like to stick a full role of masking tape in one straight line, then repeat many times until there are enough lines so that the depth is equal to the length forming a square. I would like to put an AlkaSeltzer in a pint of beer. I would like to make an archetypal brown doormat with the word welcome replaced with the word puddle. I would to have the very first photograph I ever took. I would like to have seen Andy Kaufman read the Great Gatsby. I would like to know how many names and spellings there are for all the countries in the European Union in the language of each country? I would like to photograph frames then print them actual size on large sheets of paper and hang them unframed on a wall. I would like to take 35mm slide transparencies of playground slides in different children's playgrounds, then project them as a slide show. I would like to ask people what they are going to buy as they are walking into a supermarket, and ask them what they bought as they come out. I would like to make an archetypal steel ruler one kilometre long. I would like to be asked to spell every word in the Concise Oxford English dictionary as a standard high school spelling test. I would form a list of all the words I spelt wrong and a list of all the words I spelt correctly. I would like to replace the word 'Fragile' that always appears on hardback envelopes with the word 'Delicate'. I would like to photograph the wounds that most designers have on their fingers through using scalpels and form a picture book called Scalpel Scars. I would like to curate a show called 'Untitled; containing works that are all 'Untitled'. I would like to buy postcards in art museums of artworks on display then hold them in front of the artworks and photograph them. I would like to design a football kit, the team would all wear plain white t-shirts then stand in a line, I would then walk around the line of players spraying a continuous red line across the fronts and backs of their t-shirts. I would like to spend a weekend with Rupert and Julie in their new country home. I would like to make empty A1 box frames that have a 15cm wide slot cut into the glass, that would allow people to post photographs into them. I would like to own a complete set of Edward Ruschas artist books. I eat at least four different fruits every morning. I would like to make a living making self-initiated art projects that use design production techniques. I would like to get married to Flávia. I would like to win the lottery and buy two week in a recording studio and invite Ween and Camper Van Beethoven to collaborate on an album. I would like my living environment to be open to the public as a gallery and artwork. I would like to have salamis hanging from the ceiling in my kitchen. I would like to make more meals for friends. I would like to cycle on the winding roads of the French Alps with my girlfriend Flávia on a lightweight mountain bike tandem. I would like to have more outdoor barbecues. I would like to collaborate with 3M and make the Fly Post-it an artwork that is manufactured by a huge multinational organisation. I think that the words 'Your name; that Steve O from Jack Ass has tattooed on his ass is a conceptual artwork. I love watching how much dust the Dyson vacuum cleaner sucks up after each session. I would like to eat the chicken wrap from the canteen at the Tate Modern and film myself as I have an allergic reaction. I would like to know how many times I can write my name in one hour. I would like to be a husband. I would like to write an essay with Flávia with the title 'The Flower and the Tree'. I drank nine glasses of carrot juice the first day I got a industrial Werning Juicer and was really ill for 24 hours. I would like to commission my Dad to do some marker layout designs for a commissioned poster then scan them and use them as final artwork. I like my hair when I have not washed it for five days. I am thinking what to do next as a graphic designer. I am thinking what to to do next as an artist.